So We Meet Again
by Madjai6
Summary: Clarke has some business to attend to in Polis. She needs to know that her people will be kept safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I will be updating my other story tomorrow, but I couldn't get this out of my head. So here it is. It probably won't be as long as my other story and I'll update both as regularly as possible. Set after the finale as Clarke is walking away from the camp. **

"May we meet again." She didn't wait on a response from Bellamy before turning from the camp and walking away. She knew where she needed to go, what she needed to do. She would be lying if she said she wasn't terrified of leaving on her own. She had a gun slung across her back and a dagger in her belt. She had a pack on her back with ammo and food and her water pouch. The first place she needed to go was the first place she called home here on the ground. She just needed to spend some time in solitude, so she could rest her mind and try to relax. She had a lot of demons she needed to slay, metaphorically of course. She had so much on her mind as she walked, knowing the route like the back of her hand by now. She thought of Lexa's betrayal, if you wanted to call it that. She understood perfectly why the commander had done what she did. And Clarke couldn't say for sure if she would or wouldn't have done the same as the commander in that situation. But she took it personally, that much couldn't be helped.

She thought they were better than that, which was her mistake of course. She should have seen something like that coming. She should have known that Wallace would consider her loyalty to her people and her "commander before Lexa" way of life. It didn't surprise anyone really. She kept replaying her kiss over and over. Surely it meant something, right? She was foolish to think that she could mean to the commander what the commander meant to her. Hodnes laik kwelnes. Lexa believes love is weakness. She proved to be correct about that. It wasn't until Clarke's weakness walked away from her on that mountain that she finally found the strength to do what had to be done. She irradiated level 5, she burned every citizen in the mountain. She had the blood of men, women, and children on her hands. She wouldn't ever forget it. She wouldn't ever be able to live in the camp with her people knowing what she had to do to keep them all safe. She was a monster, everything she had fought so hard not to become.

She was coming upon the drop ship before she knew it. She walked over all of the burned corpses, wondering still how many of them were her people. She thought of the day they arrived on the ground, the feelings she felt when the door opened for the first time. She never would have imagined in her worst nightmares that this is who she would become. She was grateful for the silence and solitude, she didn't want to be around anyone. She knew they all saw her as a hero, someone who brought them all home alive. She knew they didn't hold it against her, with the exception of Jasper. That was the problem, she needed to feel the guilt. She needed to feel the remorse of what she had done in order to hold onto the last shred of Clarke she had inside her. She needed to hurt for the people she had hurt. She approached the hammock and let herself sink into it. She fell into a fitful sleep with her dagger in her hand.

Her body was moving before her mind was even fully awake. When she finally realized what was going on she had a dagger against a throat with one at her throat as well. "Octavia what are you doing here?" Clarke lowered her dagger and sighed.

"Lincoln told me where you're going, we're going with you. Arguing with me will do you no good _princess, _so don't bother. I'm certainly not coming along to keep you company."

Clarke didn't miss the way she practically spat the word princess, clearly she wasn't forgiven yet. She knew the girl was right, arguing would be a waste of her time and energy. So she closed her eyes and relaxed back into the hammock. "We leave at first light" she said as she heard Octavia descending to the first level. She heard her talking to Lincoln as she tried to block out her surroundings. She wished she never had to ask Lincoln how to get to Polis, if she had already known then she would still be alone right now. She should have known he would tell Octavia. But it was probably better this way, definitely safer. She could deal with the discomfort of the situation if it kept her alive and got her to the capitol. It wasn't long before she fell into a deeper sleep, able to relax more with the 2 grounders below her.

It took them 4 days to get to Polis, and that was apparently making good time according to Lincoln. They had traveled fast and stopped only when absolutely necessary for hunting, eating, and sleep. Clarke was sure she smelled like a wild animal and didn't look much better. But she hardly cared, she was there for a purpose. She needed to talk to the commander and the other leaders who she knew would all be here. She needed to talk about her people being able to live in peace at Camp Jaha. Maybe discuss trading and alliances. She had no plans to go back, but she did want them safe. She wanted her people to be able to live the life they had dreamed when they fell from the sky. She knew that the sky people could teach the grounders valuable things, and the grounders could definitely teach the sky people. She still couldn't see the city but Lincoln had informed them that they were nearly there. She heard it before she saw it, then she really saw it.

It was the closest thing to the civilized cities in her books that she had come across since being on the ground. It wasn't glamorous, but very functional and very much ahead of everything surrounding it. Buildings had been built of wood, no tents. There was a town center with lots of people milling about. There were shops, trading posts, and what looked like a stage. The stage caught her eye, maybe it was for musical or theatrical performances. She didn't know how long she stood there taking it all in, it was a beautiful place.

"Would you like me to show you where you will find the commander and the other leaders? You could always take in some of the capitol first if you'd like" Lincoln told her with a smile.

"I should probably get it all over with, do what I came for. I don't see much point in stalling, trying to enjoy myself. For all I know she could kill me today for just showing up here."

"If I recall, you received an invitation." She didn't miss his smirk.

"Yes, you recall correctly. If I recall, she extended that invitation right before she left me and my people to die. I'd say the invitation was rescinded." Clarke didn't mean for that much bitterness to come out in her words.

"The invitation stands Clarke of the Sky People. So we meet again." That voice stopped Clarke in her tracks and she immediately felt the emptiness creep into her heart.

She turned around to face her, face expressionless. "Commander." She nodded respectfully, it was all Lexa would get from her. "I've come to discuss peaceful living for my people, possible trade. Is there somewhere we can speak?"

Lexa thought Clarke sounded broken, dead inside. She kept her commander face on however, she couldn't let the girl see how it ripped her heart apart to see her like that. She had heard what Clarke had done to save her people, she respected her even more for it if that was possible. She knew Clarke wouldn't be the same, but she didn't expect this shell of her former self. "Follow me." She was afraid if she said anything more, or stayed in the open any longer her face would betray her.

Clarke did as she was told, following silently. She had expected it to be harder, seeing her again. But all she felt was this hollow emptiness inside of her chest. Like something was missing and being around the commander made its absence obvious. She didn't miss it though, love is weakness. She didn't need it, all she needed was to do what she came her for so she could leave. She knew where she would go back to. She would live in the bunker that used to have such a special place in her heart. The bunker that now just brought a reminder of what kind of damage she can cause. Finn had turned into a murderer because of her. Living there would mean she never forgot. It meant she could keep an eye on her people from a distance. It was safe, warm, had everything she would need. She hadn't paid much attention to her surroundings during their brief walk. She found herself standing in front of a large stone building, it looked like it had survived the war relatively unscathed.

"This is City Hall, where we hold all of our meetings, where we try criminals, plan wars, and even celebrate. It is also where I live." The commander explained as they walked inside. She didn't get to see much of the inside as Lexa led her off to a hallway leading away from all of the activity inside the building. She followed Lexa through the door she had just opened into what she knew was her bedroom.

The first thing she noticed was the huge bed covered in what looked like actual cotton blankets. She had weapons adorning the walls, how very Lexa. She had a desk that reminded her of the one she had in her tent in Ton DC where they would look over maps and war plans. It was furnished with intricately crafted wooden furniture. It looked every bit a room made for royalty of sorts. It fit the commander well. Said commander was currently standing in front of the closed door waiting patiently for Clarke to finish her appraisal of the room. She was trying very hard to ignore the feeling in her stomach at having the sky girl in her room.

"What have you come to talk to me about Clarke?" She hoped the pain didn't show in her voice when she said the girls name.

"My people, I want them to be able to live in peace. We no longer have any alliance with anyone and I don't know if they will survive on their own if other clans target them. I just want them to be left alone. They can teach the other clans things and learn in return. They can trade, my mother can make medicine. They have technology. They have knowledge of things that could benefit the people of the ground. They have no reason to go to war with anyone for any reason. They mean no one any harm. They just want to live, farm, hunt, and move forward." She tried to put as much emotion in her speech as possible, wanting the commander to see how much she wanted these things for her people.

The fact that Clarke never once said "we" was far from lost on the commander. She replayed the girl's words in her mind, having already decided to give Clarke anything she asked for. She couldn't let it be known that she would have given the moon for the sky princess. She would have given anything to put some light back into those blue eyes. They used to shine like the ocean, now they looked like a dark stormy sky. "Why do you speak of your people like you will not be living with them?" She had to know.

"Because I won't be, which should be of no concern to your decision. My people helped you in every way they could. All I ask is some help in return. Please just extend your protection over them. Erase the target from their backs that has been there since we fell from the sky."

She didn't want to let it go, but she knew she had no right to pursue any further information. "Everything you asked will be given, Clarke of the sky people. I owe your people that much."

"Thank you Commander, I'll be on my way now. It's a long way home, I'd like to be on the road alone for as few days as possible."

Lexa's eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "You're traveling alone?" She nearly screamed at Clarke.

"Yes, it's of no concern to you Commander. If there's nothing else I'll be on my way."

She turned and walked out before Lexa had any chance to stop her. Getting around other people as soon as possible to avoid Lexa making a scene in front of her people. She walked out of the doors with her head held high, relieved that her people would be okay. Now she was on her way home. It was going to be a long trip.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke barely made it outside when she felt a firm grip on her arm jerking her body around to face a very outraged commander. "You will not be traveling alone." She said it with so much finality anyone but Clarke wouldn't have dared to argue.

"Careful Commander, your mask is slipping." Clarke was certainly the only person willing to mock her.

"Come back inside, Clarke." She said through gritted teeth, really not wanting to make a scene in the capitol. Although, they had already attracted the attention of several people including Octavia and Lincoln.

"I really must be going on my way Commander, thank you for everything. My people will be so appreciative." She gave her a curt nod and went to walk away from her again.

Appearances be damned, Lexa grabbed her arm and practically drug the girl back into the building. Octavia made to follow them but Lincoln held her still giving her a firm shake of his head. Lexa drug her down the hallway and practically hurled her into the bedroom slamming the door behind her.

"What the hell are you doing Commander?" Clarke was pissed, beyond it.

"Oh for the love of the gods will you stop calling me that Clarke?!" Her composure was cracking fast, what was wrong with Clarke? There was no way she would make it on her own. Not to mention Lexa didn't even know how far she was going or where. If grounders didn't kill her then the wild animals would.

" And what would you have me call you Commander? Lexa? I don't know Lexa. I know the Commander. She's the only one I've ever known." She tried her hardest to keep any pain out of her voice. She felt the emptiness in her chest ache, it wasn't so empty anymore. It was being filled with all of the pain and insecurity that Lexa had brought into her life. She had done so good to get rid of it, yet here it was again.

"Don't you dare. You are one of the only people who know Lexa. Although if she had any sense in her head she would have stayed hidden far below the surface." Lexa was equally angry by now. The combination of the two ticking time bombs was bound to explode.

Lexa should have seen it coming, any other time she would have. She was just so flustered and mad that the slap landed right where it was aimed and she stood in shock for a moment.

"No! You don't get to say that. Lexa was all a lie to me. I never knew her at all. The commander walked away from my people, Lexa walked away from me." She could feel hot tears falling out of her eyes now.

Lexa saw the second one coming. She was quick enough to grab her hand mid swing. Clarke swung with the other and Lexa did the same, turning her around and pinning her to the door with her hands above her.

"Let me go Commander!" Clarke struggled as hard as she could, getting nowhere. Clarke could see the war between heart and head waging behind the commander's eyes. After a few minutes is Clarke struggling and Lexa being close enough to feel her breath on her face her heart won.

The kiss took Clarke's breath away, everything inside her telling her to kiss back like she would never kiss again. And for a moment she did, she returned every ounce of passion she was receiving from the commander's hungry lips. She felt Lexa's tongue run from one side of her bottom lip to the other and finally came back to her senses. She made use of her hands that had been freed when Lexa moved her hands to cup her cheeks. She shoved with every bit of strength she had left, opened the door and ran. She ran as fast as she could, not even stopping when she heard Octavia calling out her name. She thanked whatever deity was looking down upon her that the gates happened to be open so she could run out without having to ask permission.

Several guards took off after her. "Hod op!" Lexa stopped running after the girl when she reached the gate. They looked at her in confusion, the girl was getting away. "Which of you is our best tracker?" She nodded when a man stepped forward. "Let her get a little ways ahead of you, then follow her. Keep her safe, and don't be seen. She will try to evade you and it will be more trouble than you want to deal with. When you find where she settles check her surroundings and once you think she's safe come tell me where she is." The man nodded and went to get his horse and a pack ready. Any questions he had about why the commander cared he kept to himself. Lexa saw the running figure disappear into the trees a ways away from camp. She might as well leave it in the hands of the tracker, she had things to do after all. She just hoped she could keep her mind on her tasks.

Clarke had been travelling for 2 days now, she was out of water and food. She really should have planned better before running out of Polis the way she did. For the last half hour or so she had gotten the feeling that she wasn't alone. She tried not to make it obvious that she was nervous, kept her eyes forward and kept moving. After a while the noises went from behind her to above her, now she was really freaking out. The leaves above her were too thick for her to see anything but she was almost positive that someone was moving around up there. Her suspicions were confirmed when a water skin fell down on the path in front of her scaring her half to death. She would like to think she knows Lexa pretty well so her first theory is that she had someone follow her. It wouldn't surprise her at all. Her anger is momentarily forgotten however when she realizes how thirsty she is.

Right before she lets the water touch her lips she freezes. Should she really trust water from some stranger stalking her from the trees? What if Lexa didn't send anyone after her and its someone trying to make killing her easier by just poisoning her. She takes a deep whiff of the water and doesn't smell anything unusual.

"If I gave you poisoned water the Commander would have my head, shall I come down and take the first drink?" The other half of her died as the voice came from the branches above her. She jerked around when she heard a set of feet hit the ground behind her. She recognized him as one of the men she walked past when entering the capitol. So he was sent by Lexa. "I was told not to be seen, but you are going to dehydrate and starve and I don't feel like dying because of your inability to take care of yourself. If you run, I'll catch you. Don't give me any trouble. I'm not in the mood."

"Why does she have you following me? And what exactly is going to happen when I get where I'm going? You know I could just walk around in circles until eventually you decide to just let me starve. I don't want her knowing where I'm going." Clarke was sure she resembled a petulant child the way she was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and a defiant look on her face.

He let out a loud whistle that she was sure was heard for at least a mile, then she heard hooves hitting the forest floor coming towards them. A large brown horse came to a stop next to the man. "Get on the horse. You'll show me how to get to your home or you'll be accompanying me back to Polis, and you might not be conscious when we get there." He was clearly not going to let Clarke get away with any nonsense.

She was too angry to even reply. She stomped over to the horse, again probably looking extremely childish, and tried getting on it. She let out a yelp when she felt hands on her waste and was suddenly lifted effortlessly onto the horses back. This was definitely not how she had planned for things to go. Needless to say she was pretty livid. She actually wants the commander to come to her little bunker by this point. Maybe she'll be able to get in another face shot.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I am going to be honest, my updates won't be regular. I have 2 jobs, a 6 year old, and a 1 year old. So I don't have much time to write. However, there will be updates. I have no plans of just abandoning my stories. I apologize for the long waits, but real life doesn't always give you time to hide away on the laptop. I hope you enjoy this chapter! There will be time hops, I feel like I can get more into the story if I don't spend time on every single day of her life. Some days are less eventful than others. **

Clarke was surprised by how little emotion she felt climbing down into the bunker. She had come to terms with Finn's death and the events leading up to it. Sure she had blamed herself for all of it for a long time. In the end though she had to admit that she never did anything to make Finn do what he did. He must have had that monster inside him all along, and the ground broke him. He just couldn't handle it and that wasn't Clarke's fault. All she felt in this place was relief and safety. She knows how hard it would be for someone who had never been there to find it. She knows she is safe from all predators inside, safe from the elements. It has a real bed. A little gas stove, although whether there is much gas to use remains to be seen.

She had left her guard outside without a word. She was still highly irritated with his presence. When they had arrived he had tried to help her down and she had refused, landing hard on her feet and nearly falling over but remaining upright. She couldn't help the pride that puffed in her chest, she didn't need his help. She had opened the door and closed it above her in what she hoped was a clear non invitation. He was no longer needed, he could go report back to the _commander._ The word even sounded venomous in her thoughts.

The first thing on her to do list was to sink into the bunk and sleep. She was full from the water he had given her and she had even accepted the dried meat and berries he had offered her. She took her outer layers off and laid her tired body down. She might have been asleep before her eyes were even fully closed. She dreamt about soft lips on hers.

She had been in the bunker for 3 months now. Her grounder stalker, who had actually started to become a friend, was teaching her how to survive. His name was Anton, though she continued to call him Tarzan because of his tree walking skills. She had explained the movie to him hoping to get him to understand the nickname and he had found it ridiculous. He scoffed and told her that pauna raising human children was impossible. She had tried to explain that it was a cartoon and the animals talking was also impossible but amusing to children. _And Clarke. _

They had a schedule, which she was positive was the commander's schedule. He would be with her for 2 weeks at a time, and then he would go back to polis and return a week later. She assumed he was reporting to Lexa and getting supplies, although they only acknowledged one of those reasons for his absence. The first 2 weeks of him being there she had given him as much hell as was humanly possible. He had a tent set up right outside of the door to the bunker, having decided to not worry about the commander's orders to stay hidden, she would understand. He hunted for her and got her fresh water. She regularly complained about the taste of the food, his choice of seasoning or how tender it was, or wasn't.

She would sneak away every chance she got, with no intention of going anywhere but just stressing him out. She would wait until he had walked a ways off to relieve himself or take a bath in the creek and she would take off as quietly as she could while still moving fast. She would always hear him yell "SKY GIRL" before he took off after her. It never took him long to catch her, he was after all an excellent tracker. He always gave empty threats of not following her and leaving her to be eaten and starve. She had earned the nickname "Sky demon" after a while.

It wasn't until the day before he left that she had finally reached the limit of his patience for her. He had just been to the creek close by getting some drinking water and a bucket of water for putting out the fire that night. He had handed her one of the water skins and when she took a big drink she spit it back in his face saying that it tasted funny. He had a white hot fire in his eyes and he took the bucket of water and dumped it over her head before he stomped off to his tent and shut the flap behind him. She stood there cold and dripping letting the shock wear off. She couldn't believe he has just done that, although it shouldn't have surprised her. She had been absolutely unbearable.

The next morning she woke to a boot stomping on the door of the bunker repeatedly. She opened it and popped her head up to see Anton looking at her with irritation, clearly sleep hadn't rid him of his anger.

"I'm going to back to Polis for supplies. Don't die while I'm gone. If the commander has any mercy at all she will send someone else, but I will most likely be back. I killed a deer this morning, cleaning and cooking it is up to you Sky Demon." He had walked away after that not giving her a chance to respond. She looked at his retreating figure until he was out of sight before she lowered herself back down into her little home.

It was during that week that she had realized how much she had come to rely on his company. It wasn't so much that she had grown fond of him personally, but any human interaction had been nice. As much as she had thought she wanted isolation she had been wrong. She still wasn't ready to see any of her people though, she probably wouldn't be for a very long time. She decided that if it was him that came back to look after her she would change her attitude. She really should be grateful, as irritating as that was. She knew she wouldn't be able to hunt and survive on her own. She had never learned how to use a bow, nor did she even have one. She wasn't any good with a sword. And she had a fixed number of bullets. If it wasn't for Anton she would have been forced to return to the Ark way sooner than she was ready for just to survive.

So that's how they got here, to this level of close friendship. When he had returned she had needed to fight the urge to attack him with a hug. She was hungry and tired. The water from the creek had been easy enough to get for herself, but after she had left the deer out overnight and something had come and took it from her she had been surviving on whatever berries she could find. It was probably sheer luck that she hadn't eaten any poisonous ones and killed herself. After a few days of him being shocked at the fact that she wasn't trying to kill him with annoyance he started to relax and talk to her.

They talked of his family and his friends and what it had been like growing up in his village. He talked with pride of how he came to be a guard in the capitol and their best tracker. He asked her questions about life in the sky and what it had been like falling from it. She learned that he was only 24 years old, although his impressive beard made him look a little older. When she learned of his age she had to admit she could see the youth in his eyes. He was strong and serious but he was still a young man. The way he joked with her had proved how close in age they were.

By the end of the 2 weeks she was glad she had decided to stop pestering him and just accept his help and company. He was so different than he had been the first 2 weeks. She was enjoying herself. She was laughing and smiling and the pain of the mountain wasn't as crushing anymore.

She still thought about it all at night when she was laying in her bunk. She thought about all of it, but she was slowly letting herself come to terms with the fact that it had to be done. She will always feel the remorse. She will always be sorry that they had to die, Maya and the other innocents. Although Maya had been right. There were no innocents in that mountain. Their very survival depended on the blood of others. They were all essentially parasites. It couldn't go on like that. And their one chance at freedom from the mountain came at the expense of Clarke's people and she couldn't let that happen.

She had told him of the animal taking her deer that first night and he decided to plan a little better this time. He cleaned the kills he had made and cooked and dried the meat so she would have it while he was gone. She had expressed her distaste at the idea of bringing the dead animals into her bunker to keep it safe from predators while she slept. Also, that wouldn't save it from ruining. So the second week without him wasn't so bad.

They had gotten into a comfortable routine. After the 3 months she was even getting the hang of the bow that he had brought her and taught her to use. That was an interesting learning process, she had lost count of how many times he had called her a _branwada. _But all in all it only took her a few days to get it right. She had killed a deer on her second hunting trip with him. Which was good, because he was heading back to polis in the morning for the 6th time to get supplies and report to the Commander.

She was also getting better at cooking her food and he had built a little meat shack for drying the meat. He had had to rebuild it once because the first one wasn't sturdy enough to stand up to whatever creature Clarke had heard outside that night digging into it for her meat. The second one was much stronger he had said.

"I'm gonna miss you Tarzan. We have plenty of supplies here and I'm becoming a badass hunting warrior. Can't you just stay?" She knew she was pouting but she didn't want him going. She knew why he was going and she didn't want Lexa knowing anything. She wanted her to wonder.

"Put your bottom lip away Jane, it isn't going to work. You know I must go. I'm going to bring you back some new clothes and shoes this time. Yours are starting to smell and even washing them in the creek is no longer helping." He laughed as he dodged a shoe flying in his direction.

"I do not smell!" She said defiantly. "At least no more than you do" she amended.

"I will also bring back some more paste for your mouth and some soaps. These are things we need sky girl, you know that. You have learned much, you will be okay. It's only a week."

She didn't want to admit how much she would miss him. She didn't have any romantic feelings towards him, although he was admittedly extremely attractive. He had kind of become like an older brother to her. Teaching her things, spending time with her, teasing her and constantly joking at her expense. She had gotten really attached to him. And no matter how many times he had gone back to polis she still wasn't used to the solitude of being alone.

She was out searching for some berries on the third day after Anton had left when she heard the voices. She knew it couldn't be grounders because they would never be so loud out in the woods. She was instantly on the alert. She used her stealth training to creep through the trees. Anton had taught her how to walk among the branches, earning her the nickname Jane when she had made the comparison. She still had a bit of a hard time getting up the tree to the lowest branch but she managed. As she got closer to where the voices were coming from below her she felt the air leave her lungs.

"Raven? Octavia?" She couldn't believe what she was seeing. There they were walking with Lincoln below her. Raven froze and looked around but Octavia and Lincoln looked up, knowing better how to identify where a sound was coming from. She hopped gracefully down and landed in a crouch so she wouldn't feel the full impact on her feet. "What are you guys doing out here?"

After a beat of stunned silence Raven tentatively walked towards her for a hug, searching Clarke's eyes for a sign that this was okay. Clarke met her halfway and sunk into the tight embrace. She had missed them so much. Not being ready to go back didn't mean she didn't miss them every second that she was gone. "We were looking for you actually. We miss you. And honestly just can't handle the Ark anymore. Your mom is a good leader and all, but that isn't where we belong." She had released her but they were still holding each other's arms.

"I'm glad we found you Clarke, if we had to wonder around the woods much longer with Raven we would have attracted every predator for 50 miles." Octavia said with a grin. Clarke hadn't expected to be met with anything but hatred from the sky grounder.

"Well excuse the shit out of me for being a damn cripple." She shot back. "Where have you been Clarke? We miss you, we need you. You've had time now come home." She could see the desperation in Raven's eyes.

"Slow down, let's just get out of the open before we attract something hungry. Clarke I assume you've been staying somewhere safe since you're still standing here?" Lincoln was the voice of calm and reason.

Clarke was hesitant. She didn't really want to give her safe haven away. She didn't want to share it with anyone but Anton. She couldn't turn them away though, not after they had come looking for her. It wasn't a far walk back to the Ark, but she had missed them. She nodded and started off towards home.

Raven immediately recognized the bunker, Clarke could see it in the way her jaw clenched and her eyes glassed over when the door was opened. She never said anything though, just slowly climbed down the ladder.

"Uhh Clarke? Have you had some company?" Clarke looked to where Octavia was staring with a confused look on her face and saw the mattress that she had taken off of the top bunk for Anton to sleep on since they had gotten closer. He really had no need to stay outside in the tent, nothing was going to get into the locked bunker door.

Clarke froze, she didn't know if she wanted to tell them everything. About how she couldn't come to the ark and be with them but she could stay here living with a grounder. She figured that might rub Raven the wrong way. And when she decided to go ahead and just explain, she realized how right she had been.

"What the hell Clarke?!" Raven seethed. "You leave us without a word to anyone but Bellamy, leave us wondering if you're alive or dead for 3 months, and when we finally have had enough and come find you we find you out here shacked up with a grounder living blissfully in the woods? Thank you so much for your consideration and loyalty to your own friends _princess." _It had been a low blow and she knew it.

"Blissfully? Really Raven, blissfully?" Clarke was seeing red by that point. "My life doesn't even know bliss! I came here because I couldn't live with myself among my friends and family without being constantly reminded of what I did to save them! I lost my soul saving your life. I saw you on that table and did the unimaginable. I killed children. I killed people who had risked everything to help our people. I did that for you! And I couldn't go back to Camp Jaha and just pretend that things were okay, that I was okay. I'm not okay! I became a murderer. So yes, I left you. I came here and I'm living with a grounder. He's taught me to hunt, cook, climb, he's taught me how to survive. He's taught me how to live again. To feel again." She was out of breathe by that point. Shaking from the emotion of everything she had just said.

Octavia was looking at the ground. Lincoln was looking at Raven with irritation. Raven was looking at Clarke with sad eyes. She knew she shouldn't have went at her like that. She knew that Clarke was hurting. She knew that Clarke was going through more than she could imagine. Even with all of the pain that Raven had been through in her time on the ground she had never gone through anything quite like Clarke had been through. She had never had to make those impossible decisions. She had never had the fate of her people resting on her back the way Clarke had. Even when she was under the pressure to make the radios and get the drop ship to blast off, she didn't feel the pressure that Clarke did.

"I'm sorry Clarke." It was little more than a whisper. "You just don't know how hard it's been. Not knowing where you were or if you were alive or dead. Your mom is going grey in the hair and driving us all crazy. The 100 need you, you're part of our family."

Clarke didn't know what to say. She knew that they needed her, but she wasn't done being selfish yet. Physically they didn't need her. She knew that they were taken care of at Jaha. Emotionally they did need her, but she needed this time away. "I can't go back Raven. This is home to me. This is my safe place. My peace. I haven't known peace since before my dad found that damn flaw in the system. I need this, it's mine. I'm finally healing."

Octavia stepped forward before Raven could reply. "We understand Clarke. No one is going to push you to go where you don't want to go. But can we stay for a while? I know things weren't left off in a very good place with us, but I understand you better now and I've missed you, more than I thought possible."

Clarke wanted them to stay, she decided. The thought of them leaving so soon after seeing them again was a painful one. She never expected to find them looking for her but now that they were here it felt like a small piece of her shattered heart had moved back into place. "You can stay. I think we have enough meat in the shack to feed us all for tonight, but we'll have to hunt tomorrow."

She could see the relief in their eyes, almost like they had expected her to turn them away. She had more fun that night then she remembered having since she was on the Ark as a child. They played with the card deck that had been in the bunker. It was fun playing with Raven because she actually knew how to play. Clarke had taught Anton a few games but it was always fun playing with someone who doesn't have to be taught. They ate the meat and some root vegetables that Anton had taught her how to find and prepare. Clarke was happy.

They all went to bed after Raven made Clarke tell her about her short trip to Polis for the 4th time. Octavia had been dying to know what had happened that cause Clarke to run away from the city like that but she hadn't been the one to ask. Lexa had never told anyone what had happened and they had left shortly after Clarke so it was a mystery to them as well.

Clarke woke up a couple days later to the sound of a boot stomping on her door and her heart swelled. She had almost forgot how many days had passed since Anton's departure. She leapt out of bed waking the other three in the process and unlocked the door flying up the ladder. She had moved beyond holding her affection back and she jumped into his waiting arms. She had missed her best friend. The others quickly climbed out of the bunker to see what was going on. She felt Anton's entire body tense and she knew he had spotted them behind her.

Quicker than she thought possible she was being pushed behind him protectively and he had his bow drawn on the strangers. It didn't take long for him to recognize Lincoln and Octavia as the ones who had come with Clarke to Polis the first time he had seen her. He lowered his weapon before a stunned Clarke could even say anything.

"Care to introduce me to your friends, Jane?" He said with a deep frown.

She could see the looks of confusion they all gave him when he called her Jane. "Tarzan, this is Octavia, Lincoln, and Raven. Guys this is Anton, also known as Tarzan." She looked at the ground waiting on the bombardment of questions. Her face lit up in 3 shades of red at what she got instead.

"Well hell-ooooo Tarzan!" came Raven's very flirty reply as she drank him in from head to toe.

This was going to be interesting.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **So I have a new laptop. That's amazing news. Bad news is it's been so long my typing is slow and awkward. But anyways, my list of reasons why my updates will be delayed has been reduced to working 48-hour work weeks and having kids. It will still be slow but at least now it's possible. So I will try to get these updates out. I don't see an end to these stories any time soon. I like them to be long and I have ideas, it's just hard to get them out sometimes.

Clarke had no idea how she was going to keep Raven's flirting at bay, or if she wanted to. Sure Anton was a grown man and fully capable of handling himself, but it was getting funnier as the days went by. They had all been together for a couple of days now and things were moving pretty smoothly considering. There had been another set of bunk beds still so they had somewhere to sleep. Octavia and Lincoln had to basically sleep one on top of the other to fit, but it was functional.

Clarke had to resist the urge to ask about Lexa, like she did every time he returned. It wasn't that she cared, of course not. She was just curious. For the sake of her people obviously. She had avoided asking her ark friends about it and they hadn't offered any information either. But she had to assume that if Camp Jaha was struggling they would have let her know. She also felt that they wouldn't have ever been comfortable enough to leave them all if they weren't doing fine.

So she kept her questions to herself continuing to live her life in the bunker where she could continue trying to rebuild herself. She had lost some of the self loathing that she had felt when she initially left the camp to be on her own. Long conversations with Anton had helped with that. She no longer saw her self imposed exile as a punishment to herself, but an opportunity to try and get back the part of herself that the ground had stolen.

She had no fears of ever getting to a point where she doesn't feel anything. That had been her immediate fear after everything that had happened on the mountain. She had been so afraid of turning out like Lexa and blocking out all emotion that she felt the need to punish herself so she would never forget. But forgetting would be impossible, healing would be very possible and she was on her way. She had come to realize all of these things in her 3 and ½ months on her own and with Anton.

He had finally convinced her that what she did was for the good of the many. Clarke will never be okay with killing, necessary or not. But she can at least admit that what she did had to be done. Cage never would have stopped. The mountain had too many dangerous weapons and too much blood on their hands already. It just needed to be ended. He finally had her truly accepting that she had saved more lives than she ended and that she wasn't a monster.

Her friends saw these changes and felt a huge weight lifted off of their hearts. A weight that had been there since Clarke left Camp Jaha. They finally knew that she would be okay. So when it was close to time for Anton to leave for Polis again they decided to tell her all that had been going on at Jaha.

They told her of how the Commander had come to Camp Jaha with a small group of guards and requested a meeting with Abby. They told her of how Bellamy had been the one to convince Abby to listen and hear her out. They told her of the agreement that they had reached where they would join the coalition and have 2 members join the council that meets at polis every 6 months.

There had been plans made to expand Camp Jaha and give them more freedom to move around and travel and trade. Abby hadn't been thrilled with it, but she knew it was necessary. Winter is coming and she had no idea what they would do to survive a season they had never experienced before. Things were changing in Camp Jaha and it was all because Clarke had gone to the Commander and asked.

"She brought back a big group of people from Polis with her, there were carpenters, blacksmiths, seamstresses, hunters, cooks, and healers. They all brought supplies to teach us their trades. This was about 3 weeks before we left." Octavia explained to a dumbfounded Clarke.

"We all got to choose something to do and we were able to observe and train. Monroe is training to become a hunter, Harper is learning to make clothes, Bellamy is helping your mother lead but he wanted to learn how to build too so he's been training with the carpenters so they can build more solid structures before winter gets here. I was going to start studying with the healers, but I decided I wanted to come with these bozos instead and see you." Raven said with a smile.

Clarke couldn't process that. She knew that the commander had agreed to what she had asked but she didn't know she would go to so much trouble for her. No, for her people. She can't start thinking that it's for her. This is just the Commander honoring their agreement for once. She owed them that. She didn't owe them much else, Clarke could admit that she had made the right choice. But she at least owed them some help considering all of the help they had during the mountain battle.

She wouldn't ever admit it, but the information warmed her in a way that she really didn't want it to. She wanted to go back and be that cold girl that had walked away from Jaha, but she just couldn't. She had finally gotten some of the old Clarke back being in that bunker away from mostly everyone, learning how to take care of herself. She had begun healing and in that process she had lost almost all of the anger she held for the Commander. Lexa. Her name is Lexa.

She wasn't nearly as mad at Lexa as she had been. She has always been a mature person. Petty has never been in her nature and if there something she understands, its making hard decisions. She can fully admit that if she was in the position that Lexa had been in she would have made the same choice.

Lexa isn't just a leader to a small group of people like Clarke was. Lexa is the commander of the 12, 13 now, clans and there is always danger in a position like that. Someone could have seen her as weak and tried to end her life so the Commander spirit would move on to someone else. Someone could have tried to overthrow her and take her place, spirit be damned. Clarke knew she made the only choice she could make.

Her friends just sat quietly and let the information run through Clarke's mind. Anton was the only one really studying his young friend. The others were averting their gazes to try and give her some privacy to process her thoughts. He knew she probably needed to talk and would probably just want to talk to him. "Clarke let's go out for a hunt so you can keep practicing with your bow. You'll need some more meat while I'm gone." He made sure he made eye contact with the others when they looked up at his voice so they knew not to invite themselves.

Clarke knew what this hunting trip was about, and she needed it, so she went around her little makeshift partition with a nod of her head to get changed in her new hunting clothes and shoes. The new things were a perfect fit as always, made just for her she suspected. The clothes were made in earthy colors to help blend in with the environment and designed to give full range of motion and make moving easier. The shoes were leather, sturdy and yet soft so she could walk quietly among the leaves and foliage.

For a while they just walked in silence, listening to everything going on around them. The hunting trip wasn't just so they could talk, they really did need more meat. Eventually after a while of hearing nothing near them and finding no fresh tracks Anton decided to break the silence and start the talk. "Has this new information given your heart more peace?"

She thought the question through before answering, knowing he would be patient with her. The answer is yes really, but peace about what? Has she made peace with her anger at Lexa? Has she made peace with leaving Camp Jaha? Both she supposed. "Yes. I want to be mad at her Anton, I really do. But I know she made the right decision. It just hurt so bad to see her walking away from me." She could feel the old familiar pain.

"You have to know it wasn't what she wanted Clarke, surely you know it pained her. Surely you know she cared about you, she still does. She has things made for you every time I visit Polis. Everything I bring back to you is a silent gift from her. She thinks about you all the time. But her duty will always come first. Whether she wants it to or not." The Commander had opened up to him during his second visit to Polis. She didn't seem to mean to, but she had a rare loss of control over her emotions.

Clarke decided to take a break from walking and sit against a tree on some soft moss. She had too many thoughts running wild around her head at the moment. Anton sat beside her close enough that she could lean on him and relax. Her best friend, her Tarzan. She knew he was telling the truth. She had seen the pain in the Commander's eyes when she wouldn't call her by her name, when she wouldn't even look at her with anything other than anger in her eyes. The decision had been made before she even consciously asked herself if she wanted to do it.

"Take me to Polis with you."


End file.
